What are values?
Values are the principles that govern how you want to act. They are often described as your personal compass because they help you choose the direction in which you want to move through life and keep you on track as you go. They're your guide for how you behave and make decisions.
They may sound like a foreign concept, but you likely have inherited values that have been passed on to you through family, friends, jobs, religion, school, etc. As a coach, I support my clients in exploring and discovering their chosen values and witness them transform into their authentic self when they go from having inherited or unclear values to clear, chosen values.
Do you have clear, chosen values vs unclear or inherited values?
So what does it look like to have clear, chosen values vs unclear or inherited values?
Where on the above spectrum do you land?
Clear, chosen values typically corresponds with feelings of confidence, fulfillment and authenticity. If you have unclear or inherited values you may feel stuck, drained and like you're prioritizing everyone but yourself. Using the image above and descriptions below, do you feel like your values are totally clear, in between or mostly unclear?
Totally clear: I feel confident in who I am and I’m fulfilled in my relationships and career. Every day I’m living life authentically and all my dreams are coming true.
In between: I have a sense of what’s important to me and some things in my life are energizing, but there is opportunity to explore further so I can be more intentional and in touch with my authentic self.
Mostly unclear: I sometimes feel stuck and unsure of what to change to feel less drained. My life, relationships and career are on autopilot and I’m looking for tools to put my needs and desires first so I can live more authentically.
The majority of the people I've asked this question to describe themselves as feeling somewhere in between clear and unclear, and I can relate. Four years ago I set out on a self-development journey to explore who I am and what I value. I went from feeling stuck and putting others needs and feelings above my own to feeling confident, intentional and the best version of myself.
By exploring and discovering my chosen values, I went from unclear, inherited values:
Being in a mismatched long-term relationship that drained me
Feeling homesick, living in a city that was my home for nearly a decade
Experiencing burnout in a toxic workplace
To clear, chosen values:
Meeting my incredible fiance by being aligned on fundamental topics
Moving closer to family and finding my dream home
Improving my mental health and building a fulfilling, values-aligned career
I share my experience to illustrate that when you become aware of your chosen values, things start to shift. You become more intentional, confident and fulfilled, slowly transforming into the person you were always meant to be.
Want to discover your clear, chosen values and uncover how you can live authentically?
Grab a notebook or a sheet of paper and answer the following questions:
What’s important to you?
How do you like to spend your time and money?
Who do you most like to spend your time with?
What characteristics or attributes do you value about yourself and others?
Why do you think that is?
What energizes you or makes you feel like the best version of yourself?
When do you feel like the best version of yourself?
Who are you with?
What are you doing?
What does it feel like?
What do you aspire towards?
What motivates you?
Why is that important to you?
What about it energizes you?
How would it feel to get there?
Reflect on what you discovered.
What attributes and potential values did you identify? Circle the words that reflect the ways you think, act and what you aspire towards. Star any that showed up more than once.
The words that you circled and starred are the first draft of your chosen values.
What discoveries came through for you and what will you do with these insights, if anything?
How will your discoveries change your behavior, perspective, relationships or career if at all?
What’s one act of authenticity you can take in the next week to try on your draft values?
In the How To Live Authentically workshop, we expand on these themes to analyze, refine and select your chosen values and integrate them into your life. Our goal is for you to better understand yourself and how you want to show up in the world.
If you're looking for support in continuing to explore who you are, book a free discovery call to discuss your goals and learn more.